Who am I

I am Sophia Augustine, I'm just ordinary. Well to you I am. I attend school pretending to be younger than I really am while at the same time I've kept my friends in the dark of my real life. You see I've spent centuries as a vampire servant to a master who is worse than the sheriff of Nottingham! You wanna know what it was like through those centuries of cleaning his coffin, washing his clothes, burning his fires! I spent years praying the sun would find a crack in the wall and burn him alive through the basement of every building we ever slept in. My clothes smell like mold, my hair itches from lack of being able to bathe, I didn't know how to read or write till the 80's when Anne Rice released her book on an Interview with a Vampire and I ended up begging a street performer painted in gold if he could teach me. I wanted to know if there were other vampires out there who actually treated their servants with a shower and a soft bed! Turns out, most of them get a shower, a bed, an apartment, food of their own, and boyfriends! I want those! Including the boyfriends!

But no. I am a dutch girl pretending to be 16 and clacking her wooden shoes that there is no place like with half naked boys and books covering every inch of my four walled basement! I'm kidding I wish there really were half naked boys and books covering every inch of the basement down here under the Hotel from HELL! (the Perkins Hotel downtown; which has ten floors. The bottom two floors under the lobby are the service quarters and the basement full of wine bottles. The Hotel is notorious for serving vampires and you get a discount if you're a vampire. All the rooms were full so the manager said we could sleep in the basement, giving me a pillow and a sheet. Not a comforter, but a sheet ON A CEMENT FLOOR!)

Instead I get a milk crate with used books I've stolen from my master's victims (Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice *first book I bought from a bookstore*, The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory *stolen from a housewife victim in Albany, N.Y*, Harry Potter And the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling *stolen from a ten year old victim I buried in the backyard*, Dance Macabre by Laurell K. Hamilton *stolen from a teenager who wore a lot of black* Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley *stolen from a women in her 30's who I admired and was a dear friend I lost to my master, her name was Jenny*) , a picture of a young Mickey Rourke in his early 30's advertising 9 1/2 weeks! (25 years of dirty dreams about that guy and that's the only movie I've ever seen him in...I wonder what he looks like now...?) And last but not least a stolen vhs tape of Titanic I never got to watch. (stole it from a single woman with a lot of cats and haven't been around a vhs player in years to the point they no longer are sold, so I'm stuck with a vhs tape taunting me to watch it with it's romantic pictures of a boat sinking and two lovers embracing each other. e_e)

So my friend, I'm hungry and I'm off to sneak food from the kitchens. Thank god my master went to sleep hours ago. I'll come back this afternoon to explain how vampires work and do my report on Henry VIII due the 15th of October!